Friday, August 5, 2016

TheStrongestThing... WithoutAprescription : My Fentanyl Overdose ...


After the Interview on "Being 60"... I walked over to light some frankincense incense to get the smell ov male hormones out ov the room  (tight studio with 4 males). It waz quite hot and there waz 3 SLEEPCHAMBER members including myself in the Studio. I had injected a half gram ov Heroin and left the 'cotton' for another member to draw up for himself. Although there were 3 hard-core addicts present, one waz clean,one waz on Suboxone and then there waz Me. I had been taking regular doses ov 800mg ov Neurontin (Gabapentin) every 6 hours to detox from any opiate addiction stemming from spotted use ov Heroin and Suboxone . My goal waz to stop the use ov theze Opiates. The addiction waz bekuming
 too much ov a demand on Me and I waz looking to break away from a life time ov addiction no matter how small.  The 2 post addicts were the least knowledgeable in cases ov 'overdose' situations than any others in My circle.   After lighting the incense I am blank. I do not remember anything. My next memory waz having a girl friend ov another SLEEPCHAMBER member over Me with the look ov distress on her face. I had overdosed for the first time in My life on Heroin. I could hear the police sirens in the background along with the abstract kaos ov voices around Me and outside the Studio. I waz briefed by the girl on what had happened. I waz found on the floor below the incense blue and motionless. They had tried slapping Me, throwing water on Me, and even burning Me to a 2nd degree burn with cigarette lighter under My arm. Eventually injecting up My nose 2 Naloxone Hydrochloride shots.She then started CPR.  I awoke confused and quickly had to focus in My mind what waz kumming next.   The EMTs arrived 2 males asking all sorts ov typical questions.  I waz feeling the effects ov the Naloxone ...My arms and legs were cramping up ...I could not stretch out either ov them without some sort ov pain. To such a degree I waz moaning while trying to expand My arms and legs. The 2 EMTs just stood there. They seemed somewhat afraid to kum to close to Me. They passed Me an oxygen mask and hooked it up to a tank. At all times keeping their distance and not saying much ov anything.
 Before I knew it the Police had arrived ...I saw a 2 man unit consisting ov a heavy cop and a tall cop. Right away the heavy cop started.."Get the needle...get the needle " he shouted ... "Where's the needle..where iz it? " he bellowed from the doorway ov the entrance. I said .."Right in there "..(pointing to the trash bucket) which waz full to the top with fresh coffee grinds, yesterdays grinds, and some left over coffee and soured cream cups from yesterdays take out coffee. The cop looked at the trash and figured it waz not worth the bother. He walked into the room and yelled "Put out that shit"...(meaning the burning incense) ..I responded "Its not hiz house...leave the incense alone" ...My friend waz at odds with himself ...he did not know who to obey. He tried to blend in silently while Me and the heavy cop had our discussion. I made it clear that I waz the Alpha in charge by explaining My rights to him..(he being about 30-35 years old) ..the Alpha in charge iz always the most informed and aggressive not to mention older by almost double the age. He waz uncertain if he wanted to scrap with Me. I waz fully upright and towered over him. I waz now taking charge ov what parts ov the situation I could. I had just died for about 8 minutes 10 minutes ago . I waz in a bit ov trama from the event but knew if I did not take charge, it would end up being a worse situation left to its own direction. I moved toward the door to send the signal I waz ready to go with them to the hospital az I know its a regular thing with all Heroin overdoses and I did not want the cops looking around anymore than they had the chance to. The heavy cop sees a doll in a rocking chair (left over from a SC video) ...he barks out "Are you a pedophile? ...Why do you have this doll ?" ...
I responded .."It waz for a video" ... He responds "What kind ov video ? Pedophile video ?"  I returned with .."For My niece you want Me to call her ? ..She iz 5 years can ask her if you need to" ...It waz a lost cause for the heavy cop at this point. I think he figured I had made him look the fool enough times to lay back ...but no he had to respond with getting the last words in..."Look at this place...what iz this fucking place anyway...?" ...I remained silent and walked out the door with one EMT worker .The tall cop asked Me "Are you the guy who got beat up here ?" (meaning the assault 2 years ago) I said "yeah" then the cop asked Me if I had My keys..I said "No..just leave it unlocked".
Az we entered the ambulance I dropped My cigarettes ...the cop closed the door without letting Me get My cigarettes..hiz big coup de grace.  My adventure waz just getting going. Both EMT workers sat upfront az I sit in the back alone. (by law one iz to sit back with the patient to observe and respond to any emergency)...but I guess theze 2 guys were on the first day or something. After arriving at the hospital we were met by a blonde blue eyed Babylon babe. She waz a treat for My eyes. It waz not too long after the obvious phony "Hi..and how are you ?..can you tell me your name ?..whats your birthday.? you know where you are ? regiment ov condescending lingo that only offends your common sense.  I am not one for being disrespected in any form ov being talked down to. And in the hospital there iz a hierarchy ov misfits plenty for any task. After a brief conversation with the 1st nurse I waz introduced to an actual doctor. I said ..."I'm the horrid dope addict overdose " ..he waz actually not a bad guy, he said he waz not judging Me and asked Me if I wanted to go to detox.  I explained "If you got a place in NH or Vermont in the wilderness with some nice doctor who would listen to Me..I would go right now" ...he explained that the only options were what waz available. I explained .."No thanx..I've done My time in those Nazi camps...I'm on My own now Doc"..He said OK and left. I waz about 10 minutes before another nurse arrived. I stood up and said I wanted to leave. She tried to degrade Me by telling Me I had to give a urine sample. And offered Me a bed-pan urine container. The ones they give you when you can not get out ov bed. I waz already standing so I started to unzip my pants and reached in to grab my cock saying .."OK, right here..?"..right away the nurses were upset at my kum-back to their intimidation by means ov a bed-pan urine container. I said I wanted to go to the restroom to piss. She followed Me to the restroom and held the door open with the attitude I waz not to be trusted in giving her a piss.(I waz in for an OD, why would I possibly want to give her a fake piss ??). While she held the door open for half the hospital staff to observe Me pissing..I turned sideways so she could see My cock pissing into the 6-oz container. .now overflowing with 20-oz ov piss. I gladly handed her the piss soaked container explaining that she should be wearing laytex gloves to stop from getting the piss on her hands.  After this I made at least 4 different attempts to leave. I waz stopped by 4 different nurses with the same saying "John, you can't leave yet..go back and lie down"  It had been over an hour. One nurse came over to take my vitals. My blood-pressure waz high...She waz in question about this. Right after an OD your blood-pressure iz always low, thats why they keep you at the hospital. To make sure that if the Naloxone wears off you do not go back to unconsciousness. I explained to them..."What happens when someone iz injected with Naloxone ??? " ..the doctor had arrived and answered "You got into instant withdrawal" ..I asked .."Am I in withdrawal..??" He responded "No", I asked again if I could leave. He assured Me it would be "any minute now" ...after another 15 minutes I yelled "Doc, can I go now,?" ...the nurses were saying "Not yet" ..but finally the doctor seen My blood-pressure and said "OK, let him go". What drama...I had little time to wonder about the time spent dead. unresponsive and unconscious. I walked out and took the train home. My cloths were still wet in the kool breeze ov the night. My arm waz in a painful way. The nurses told Me that I had a scratch on the underside ov My arm. I later found out I had a large 2nd degree burn there from someone holding a lighter there for several minutes to try and bring Me to consciousness. When I arrived home it waz like that rats had already abandon the ship that might be being watched by the police or the landlord. It waz quite silent. I went by and thanked the girl who saved My life with the Naloxone injections & the CPR.  She noted that in the chest compression's that My chest 'popped' or 'cracked' ..I hugged her and gave her My thanx for 'everything' ...and explained that it waz in true emotion that I waz thankful .
Now some ov you would think I the fool for such an event. I am not ashamed ov the Interview for being 'high' on Heroin. That waz a moment ov 'My time' shared with you. I see nothing but simple folly here. I have stopped the occasional use ov Heroin for good now. And deserve no medal for doing so. I see it az another omen on My life. I waz not paying attention to what drugs I waz putting into My body. The mixture ov too many almost cost Me My life. What doez not kill Me, makes Me much stronger. And those who do not adapt will fall to the experiences ov our make-believe system. Be it the "legal system" or the "medical system". Both I have issues with. Neither one iz in your best interest. They are necessary but to be avoided if at all possible. They are more against you than for you. Avoid both theze systems if at all possible. They both will steal much ov your time.They are mostly filled with incompetent students from upper-middle-class homes that have never experienced much in life but a high school dance or fight. Their greed for knowledge brings them to high paying sterile enviornments that demand very little common sense.
Now you must wonder..'what did I see when I waz not ov this world'...when I waz 'out'.. I seen nothing. I could only feel a very strong emotion ov sadness. Like I waz feeling My true soul. I had a sense ov 'classical' musick waz playing...but could not hear it..just sense it ..I felt like I waz in slow motion. Almost like being under water.  I do not kum out ov this situation with fear or religious insight. I could only wish for such glory to awake with a revelation ov a spiritual experience.
Where to now ? I seek no drug to control My emotions. They seem to have no affect for My needs any longer. Its been like that for quite sometime. Sex iz also no longer a pass time that I am able to escape with. Phony sexual play times only bore Me now. Real romance seems to be out ov the question also (youth being lost on the young). I feel the entering ov a stage ov reality I am not quite use to. I go to this phase with all the Alpha glory I have absorbed through out the years ov past experiences that have not killed the spirit ov My soul. It iz quite the insight to realize what truly 'alone' iz.  I do Musick only when I'm inspired to. It iz nothing you can force or demand ov yourself. Magick iz only used in desperate times. And I can not afford any 'Equivalent Exchange' ...for any Magick I may currently need. I have mixed emotions. I am either somewhat manic or alone in reflection. Yes, I can be treated for 'bi-polar' disorder.(and I am along with ADD and PTSD) But again, being tied to the medical system in exchange for treatment seems to be too demanding ov Me.  Being alone means you have to live with yourself. Most ov your time iz spent in your head questioning your every thought. I do My best not to second guess myself. No one iz perfect. Mistakes are OK to make. Az long az you learn from past ones. After admitting your mistake you must understand the many reasons for the mistake. Not excuses! ...excuses are no reason for a mistake. are who you have made yourself ... if you do not like what you see ...change what you see. Time only goes faster and if the time you need to build yourself iz spent on repairing yourself your time will be short indeed. Az an Individual spend your personal time wizely. For time iz short for all ov us ... John Zewizz +8/5/16+

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